Dear People, Text Me Like You Mean It

There is a particular species of text that tests my patience more than spam calls about new credit cards. It’s the message that contains nothing but a lonely “Hello” or the eternally chirpy “Good morning.” 

Don’t get me wrong, hospitality IS lovely. In fact, I enjoy a thoughtful greeting as much as the next person really. But for the love of God, text messages are not phone calls. A phone call thrives on small talk because it’s real-time; a text, however, is a written courier pigeon. You send it with a purpose. Which is why, when that pigeon arrives carrying nothing but a polite throat-clearing, I can’t help but think: What exactly am I supposed to do with this?

It seems to be a habitamong public relations people, as if typing “Good morning” into WhatsApp were equivalent to pouring tea and offering a seat. 

I imagine them hitting send and leaning back with a satisfied sigh, convinced they’ve already done half the work of persuasion. Hell noooo they haven’t. 

A greeting without substance is not strategyyy, it’s stalling. Even worse, it creates a needless cliffhanger because of courssee, now I’m obliged to return the greeting, after which they will finally unveil what they actually wanted to say in the first place.

It's TWICE the time wasted. Once in waiting for the reveal, and twice in performing this ritual of digital politeness. 

I mean if the goal was efficiency, they’ve already failed spectacularly. If the goal was suspense, then congratulations, they’ve invented the slow-burn thriller of professional texting. Only instead of keeping me on the edge of my seat, it just makes me want to mute them forever.

And what truly IRKS me is this idea that it’s somehow polite. What makes you think it’s polite? No, it’s a waste of time. 

As a person whose communication style is more direct and honest, I find it frustrating when someone hides behind empty greetings. Politeness isn’t about dangling suspense like a bad cliffhanger, interms of texting, it’s about being clear and considerate from the start.

In the world of messaging, good manners are clarity and brevity. 

Just say what you mean, when you mean it. 

Skip the foreplay of “Hi” unless it’s followed immediately by the actual point. Trust me, no one has ever looked back fondly and said, “You know what really built that professional bond? Their ability to say good morning for three exchanges before getting to business.” Jeezus nooooo.

So let me put it plainly: Texts are tools, not teas. If you want to check in, check in properly. If you want to pitch, pitch. And if you want to wish me a good morning, at least attach your actual reason for being in my inbox. Otherwise, your “Hello” is just a stalled elevator ride: polite, obligatory, and infinitely less useful than simply pressing the button to where you actually want to go.